When Cancer Calls

Doreen Deacon walked into the consultant’s room praying and hoping for good news - but it wasn’t to be 

As she sat down her heart sank, the look on the Doctor's face said it all. His words confirmed it, ’I’m sorry Mrs Deacon but it’s not good news, the test results show you have Hodgkin’s lymphoma - cancer.’ In that very moment it was as if the world had abruptly stopped on its axis as Doreen’s mind flooded with a myriad of different emotions - shock, disbelief, fear, anger, confusion - to name but a few. Like many who have faced this, she just burst out crying. 

A thousand questions raced through her mind. Why me? How long have I got? What’s next? What about my family? In an instant life took on a new trajectory, one of medical tests, consultations, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, upset and uncertainty. 

If anything causes you to lose your peace it’s being told you’ve got cancer. It may be common nowadays - but when it’s you - well, that’s another story. How do you come to terms with such news? 

Yet for Doreen it was even worse. It was an overwhelming sense of ‘not again!’ She couldn’t help thinking, ‘Why has God allowed this to return to my door again?’ She was angry with God, thinking He’d let her down - and this wasn’t for the first time. Sandra, her only daughter, had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003. At first they thought they’d caught it in time, but after chemo and surgery, three years later it returned - rapidly. Sadly, Sandra eventually lost her battle and passed away in 2006. As Doreen says, ‘No parent expects to bury their child but that’s what we had to do.’ She recalls watching Sandra, who was only 48, go through agony as her life ebbed away with her family watching on - it was excruciatingly painful. Doreen couldn’t take it in: ‘Lord, why are you doing this to me?’ She cried out to God. 

Doreen and John her husband are committed Christians and have been so since the summer of 1992. However, after her daughter died Doreen really struggled on so many levels. She was devastated, she couldn’t eat or sleep or think straight. She cried herself to sleep at night and woke up again the next morning still crying, and then it would hit her - this was no nightmare, it was for real. Then there was that indescribable grief, that life-sapping ache that only comes through losing a child, which permeated every fibre of her being. As for her faith, she thought God had let her down, she couldn’t pray and although she went to the church services her heart wasn’t in it. She couldn’t sing or take anything in. Although people at the church were kind and supportive she thought they couldn’t possibly understand the intensity of her deep, deep sorrow. How could they? 

Six to eight weeks later she was sitting in one of the church services spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. That’s what losing a child does, it sucks every ounce of energy out of you. All she remembers is crying out to God in anger and abject pain. ‘God, I can’t carry on like this, I need some peace from it all. Lord, where are you? I need you to help me!’ 

She recalls that when the service ended they were walking out of the church door and it was there she first realised she felt different - that black cloud she was living under had gone. She now had a lightness in her spirit and the heavy load she had been carrying had been lifted as she felt the presence of God. Peace had come where grief had reigned. Of course there were times when she was upset, who wouldn’t be? But from there on in it was much easier to cope, much easier to face the day and the future. 

This incredible sense of peace remained with Doreen for six months, then suddenly she was diagnosed with having cancer herself. Is it any wonder, with what had gone on with Sandra, that it all came flooding back? Once again her emotions hit the ceiling. No wonder she couldn’t think straight, no wonder she burst into tears. No wonder she thought ‘not again!’ She felt God had abandoned her. She had certainly lost that sense of peace she’d been living with. 

To cut a long story short Doreen needed a scan as soon as possible to enable life-saving treatment to begin. The scan was scheduled and Doreen went on the arranged day. She was very apprehensive and just wanted it over with. When the consultant saw her he told her they couldn’t do the scan because of a technicality. She was sent away and told to go back the following day. 

That night Doreen went to bed totally distressed, her stomach churning. She tossed and turned but couldn’t sleep. 

Once again she cried to God with that prayer of anguish that was all too familiar: ‘God, I can’t carry on like this, I need some peace from all this, Lord, where are you? Help me!’ And eventually she fell asleep. 

The next morning she awoke and she says she genuinely felt different, once again something had lifted off her - there was a calmness within her and the worry, emotional strain and stress had left her. Once again the Lord Jesus Christ had heard her desperate plea and peace flooded her soul. She says it was a peace that remained with her through six sessions of chemotherapy every other week for five hours and twenty-five sessions of radiotherapy. 

During her treatment other patients would ask how she could remain so calm in the midst of what she was going through. Worry had consumed them, not knowing what their future held or even if they had a future. Facing one’s mortality, going through cancer treatment and trying to find any kind of peace is no easy thing. And they just couldn’t take in how at peace Doreen was with it all. 

Doreen knew there was no other reason but her faith in the Lord Jesus Christ that upheld her in her time of trouble and she wasn’t slow in telling folk when they asked. ‘It was definitely a God thing because naturally I would have automatically gone into panic mode,’ she confesses. Doreen also knew an army of Christians were praying for her. She says she tangibly felt the support, power and effect of the prayers. Experts tell us that patients who feel spiritually supported have a better quality of life. 

Eventually after much treatment and many, many tests and check-ups Doreen was given the all clear. It wasn’t always easy, it was a long journey and at times it was extremely painful - yet through it all she learnt to put her trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Even today, she insists that the inner peace and tranquillity she experienced has never left her. She has proved what the Bible says to be true: ‘Those whose minds are fixed on Him (Jesus), He will keep in perfect peace!’ 

Today Doreen is excited about her future. The next chapter has certainly begun! 

Now where John, Doreen’s husband, is concerned, he too has a story to tell. Some time after Doreen had been diagnosed with cancer, John was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The peace that he experienced through it all and the way he handled it is also worth hearing. But that isn’t for now - it’s a story for another time.